[ Vangeance steps around to fill Abel's cup, only giving the slightest nod to acknowledge that soft apology. In his heart of hearts, Vangeance knows that he doesn't deserve the sentiment behind it, and Abel wouldn't have offered it if he knew the full truth behind his circumstances, not the half-truth he's been offered here.
But he doesn't have it in him to ignore that kind gesture, either.
He's mostly composed himself once more by the time he's settles back in his seat, picking up his own cup and swirling it gently. A small nod to affirm that yes, he does want to hear Abel speak about the people waiting for him back home, and then ... he listens.
Mostly listens, at least. A part of him is dedicated to watching Abel's movements. The way he speaks, the look on his face, all of his little gestures. That sort of genuine cheer and liveliness is rare among the upper echelons of the Knights, where image and formality are so prized; just getting to witness it in person feels like a small reward. And he especially appreciates the way Abel's eyes narrow with unmistakable fondness, exposing a deeper sincerity that's usually buried under that blanket of frenetic energy.
Vangeance nods along at key points in Abel's anecdotes, filing away those names and facts at the back of his mind. But mostly, he takes in the moment, the warmth in the air, Abel's very presence. It reminds him of Julius in ways, though it would be disrespectful to draw too many parallels; even without that link to one of his most cherished people, he still respects what Abel stands for. ]
The thanks are mine. It's a pleasure getting to hear you speak. And I'm certain your colleagues are just as grateful to know you. [ He'd seemed a little tense before, still fighting back the odd ache in his chest, but the faint stiffness in his posture has since faded, leaving just his usual poise. Vangeance smiles, polite and polished, but not insincere. ] It seems I may have underestimated the complexity of your job. But it sounds like you're in wonderful company -- the sort that could help you through any problem.
[ He takes a sip of his tea, mulling over his thoughts for a moment before continuing softly. ]
... this may sound callous, but I'm glad you're here, on this island.
[ A low exhale, not quite an apologetic laugh. ]
Of course, I wouldn't wish this place on anyone. But it seems this place is intent on shaking people's hearts and minds. And I feel you are the kind of person who can help most in that regard.
[ Vangeance had to be a special sort of person to find this bombardment of drivel enjoyable instead of off-putting; Abel feels a bit... self-conscious, in some strange way - maybe it was because of the sincerity in it. it was rare, talking about things that really meant something to him just to share it. or maybe it was because of the softness he found when he made eye-contact with his guest... something about how Vangeance seemed to take in every word and pay it all its due. he's humbled, again, and reminded - again - he's not merely lucky at home. when was the last time someone talked to him like this, no pretenses or expectations, and just... listened?
...he fidgets, suddenly feeling a little foolish. dumb, it was really dumb for this of all things to throw him off. honestly...
but his thoughts are stolen by the soft sentiments that come next, and Abel is... frankly, more than slightly surprised. it shows on his face before he can think to stop it, brows arching and and blue eyes that always seemed to betray him - however much he could school the rest of his face - displaying how he'd been caught off-guard by the comment.
'the kind of person who could help most'
...
his eyes drop into his teacup as he regains equilibrium, the habitual smile coming back with well-practiced ease. ]
I-- I'm not so sure about all that, but... flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Vangeance!
[ the guise of the fool is like second nature. it slips on as easy as his foot into his boots. but again, the eyes always betray him; old, and rueful, and almost... apologetic. the amount of self-loathing at this table is incredible, really. they could bottle it and make a killing from sadists everywhere between the two of them. ]
Maybe you feel I'm the sort of person who can help others' hearts, but... you are the sort who would give up pieces of his own doing the very same, I think. I'd be quite satisfied if I managed to keep you whole, so you can get back to Lord Julius and your friend just as you are.
So if you promise to keep coming to have tea with me, I promise I'll be here to do just that. Is it a deal...?
[ Vangeance doesn't miss that flicker of surprise. How could he? It's only a brief slip, but he's been watching Abel's face the whole time, so of course he notices it -- the way those clear blue eyes widen before dipping aside, gaze clouding over with something muted and distant and pained. Just for a moment he can sense something terribly familiar in Abel, and the mere thought sends a twinge of acrid sensation stabbing through the back of his throat.
He dearly hopes he's wrong. Hopes he's overreading the situation. Because he would never wish the agony of regret on someone of Abel's nature.
Truly, these two in unison could form the most incredible black hole of self-loathing. Surely, that could never go badly! ]
It isn't flattery.
[ Said gently but firmly, accompanied by solid eye contact. He needs Abel to understand that. That slip was so brief that he knows better than to comment on it, but he also can't play completely ignorant. It's only after a moment has passed and he's made his point that Vangeance gives a polite smile. ]
I reserve my flattery for when I must speak with my Kingdom's ruler. I wouldn't resort to such uncouth methods with you. [ His Majesty, King Augustus Kira Clover XIII would threaten him with punishment if he heard that, so it feels kind of liberating to say out loud. Vangeance smiles into his teacup. ] You needn't worry for my sake, Father. The Administrator seemed quite insistent that I serve the others here to the best of my abilities. So I will, as I'd originally planned. And I've no intention of dying in the process. I won't abandon my duties back home.
[ A brief pause as he lowers his teacup, fingers lingering against the handle in thought. He shouldn't continue. He knows he should finish there. He's already said too much, allowed himself too much. ]
But ... [ Finally, he lowers his hand, giving Abel a smile. It's a little more tempered than usual, not that polished knightly facade he always wears. But it's all the more honest, as a result. ] If you'd invite me for tea another time, without any conditions attached, I'd like it very much.
[ not flattery - of course it wasn't flattery; Vangeance was sincere and genuine and that was precisely why it made it all the harder to accept. he can't even bring himself to verbally acknowledge it aloud, even in jest - though whether it was to save the knight from insult trying to refute his sentiments, or simply because Abel was too cowardly to admit the truth of the matter aloud remains unseen. instead, he fixes on something that's much easier to talk about. ]
The kind of wounds I'm worried you'll carry aren't the kind that would kill you, I'm afraid.
[ maybe they were birds of a feather. he could see familiarity in places he wishes he didn't in his current company; perhaps it was why he was compelled to say any of this at all. he was concerned, worried he'd drive himself mad trying to be a selfless force of good in a place that had all the trappings to eat him alive for it. Vangeance was too kind a soul for that fate. Abel didn't know what it was that weighed at the knight - what drove his sense of duty, as much as the muted hints of something painful in his eyes, but...
God, if there was any way to spare him from more of it, he truly wanted to find it. ]
For what it's worth... a cup of tea will always be waiting for you, either way. Or maybe just some company, really; I don't mind if you find you aren't in the mood for drinking. [ 'tea' often came with the expectation of talking while enjoying it, of social niceties and polite conversation. for someone who seemed to spend most - if not all - their life living in a world of those kind of presumptions, Abel supposed Vangeance just coming over to sit with someone and not having to worry about what it meant or what to do with himself would be just as valuable. ]
Ah, but... I'm not trying to make this awkward or too personal! [ reaching for some sense of normalcy and trying to lighten the mood, not wanting it to stray too far into dangerous territory, he sheepishly rubs at the back of his neck with a self-deprecating smile. ] I suppose it's a little bold of me to assume any of this, isn't it...? I promise, I won't make a habit out of it!
[ what a BOLD FACED LIE he will absolutely continue to meddle without remorse or apology... ]
[ Aah. He was hoping to gloss over that without Abel noticing. In a place like this, of course matters of the mind are even more of a concern than physical safety.
But it figures that someone like Abel, ever accustomed to helping people, would pick up on that attempt the side-step the issue. He's surprisingly astute when it really matters. Vangeance wonders not for the first time how much of that over-excitable, frantic personality is deliberate. Not that he would consider it false, necessarily, and he would never criticize anyone for presenting themselves in a certain fashion, but ... Vangeance tries not to think back to that look in Abel's eyes. ]
... no, I'm grateful for your offer.
[ Vangeance isn't the type to back down from things easily, stubborn and vicious when it truly matters. But this time, he'll relent. Partly as a show of gratitude, because Abel deserves that small show of respect.
And partly because he hopes that will also allow Abel to feel more at ease. The last thing he wants to do is burden someone like him with any further worries. ]
Though I'd like to propose one condition.
I'll gladly accept any future invitations, and ... [ His usual poise falters just a bit; he's not used to relying on others for anything, and there's a touch of awkwardness to his words. Because he's not accepting Abel's offer just to be polite, this time. He means it, and he'll really, earnestly try to keep it in mind. ] I'll take you up on your offer. If ... [ no, given the nature of this place, it would be more frank to say, ] -- when I'm truly in need of it.
[ 'So please don't worry about me.' ]
But in exchange, you mustn't falsely claim to be in danger again. [ He smiles before adding smoothly, ] I'm very serious about ensuring your safety, Father, along with that of everyone else, and I wouldn't wish to grow complacent from hearing false reports. So I hope you'll find it acceptable.
[ well, that... was not precisely what he had been expecting to hear in return. in all honesty, he had been half-prepared for Vangeance to take the out from any personal subjects and run with it; the priest didn't think he would be big enough a man in the other man's shoes to graciously accept, nevermind make a counter-offer.
his smile, in return, is definitely warm and holds genuine gratitude. ]
That, I think, is more than fair. I hope I didn't worry you too much, before... [ but is he apologizing?? NO... what a wretch, this guy HOW DARE YOU WASTE YOUR WORRY ON THIS LOSER... ]
Ah, but I feel like a little weight has been lifted from my shoulders~! Mr. Vangeance, I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but I've already decided that I quite enjoy your company and am looking forward to seeing much more of you from here-on out. --N-not that I mean I hope you have a rough time of things and thus come sniffing out tea time, but... you know what I mean, don't you? What am I saying, of course you do...
[ he's contented, glad the knight had agreed and the pact is sealed in blood. ...or, well, close enough. Vangeance was a man of his honor, and so Abel had a feeling he would take this quite seriously. ]
And, truth be told... it's just-- nice. [ this. sitting down with someone, no strings attached... in the quiet after the storm, so to speak. reminders that things always go back to some sense of normalcy. the resilience of humans. ] Making a new friend is the very best remedy for anything that ails you, you know?
[ Vangeance, of course, has no intentions of revealing anything more personal about himself; he’s already allowed too much to slip. But if it’s just accepting that offer of no-strings-attached company, then ... he thinks he can permit himself that much. It’s still probably more than he deserves, but he does know the importance of self-maintenance. If it takes a little indulgence to keep himself in working condition long enough to fight for the people of this place and eventually return home, then he’ll stomach the guilt that comes from accepting Abel’s offer.
And besides, how can he really regret that decision when he sees that warm smile Abel gives him? It sends a stupid little ache through his chest, relieved and grateful and embarrassed and a touch ashamed all at the same time, and he tries to hide it by reaching for a cookie. ]
I’d be glad if I can serve as acceptable company. [ He smiles, amused, as he thinks back to everything Abel had rambled about. ] You said earlier that most aristocracy don’t seem to favor your company. And I suppose I can see why you would think so. But I hope you won’t assume the same of me — I’ve never cared much for the rigid nature of nobility, and I’m happy to have your company.
[ So he says, while ever-so-primly taking a bite of the cookie. Though he does blink at it, looking a little startled. All the sweets here are so much sweeter than his oldschool palate is used to ... ]
... ah, certainly. [ Sorry, he needed a little moment to handle that little sugar rush before he manages to address Abel’s cheery sentiment. And while he’s not sure he’d consider himself a ‘friend’ to too many people, he knows what Abel means. Vangeance smiles fondly as he glances out the window towards the other houses. ] This place is full of interesting people, isn’t it? Even with the unfortunate circumstances that have brought us together, it’s been a pleasure getting to know many of them.
[ outside of the little family he's made of the AX, he imagines there aren't many who would tolerate his particular brand of idiocy so graciously as Vangeance. Caterina would truly be impressed (or flabbergasted); he can't help but smile at the thought as he brings his teacup to his lips. sigh, sigh, he's becoming more and more fond as the moments tick by, this truly is going to be meddlesome (for this poor, poor knight, of course)...
oh-- what was that CUTE fumble with the cookie--
...ahem; he saw nothing. ]
Oh, being here has absolutely broadened my horizons...! The kind of magic you do, for example, is the stuff of fairy tales and legend in my world. I couldn't imagine what your Kingdom must be like, Mr. Vangeance! And I think I'm in the minority where the existence of magic is concerned. Every day it feels like I'm running into someone who takes all of it into stride... I guess it shouldn't be surprising the people who come from all these fantastical worlds are so interesting, right? There's no shortage of personalities, at least!
[ he can think of a few that stand out right off the bat: his fondness for Jun has him coming to mind... and Naruto - a ninja who could shape-shift surely was a novel idea... Hide and Nero... Father Hansa and his body that made him more metal than man... ]
Have you met anyone that tickles your curiosity...? I have to admit, there are quite a few to choose from, but... for someone like you who comes from someplace where magic and all that is normal, I'm a bit intrigued at what you might say!
[ It’s not his first time getting to know someone less-familiar with magic, but it’s still a potent reminder of how strange these circumstances are. To think that magic — something so common to his understanding of reality — could be considered so fantastical to somebody else ... Vangeance gives a soft laugh before popping the rest of the cookie in his mouth, giving a contemplative hum as he eats. ]
It seems many here do come from worlds with magic, though the details often differ from what I’m familiar with. Lord Julius is an ardent lover of magic in all its forms, and if he were to end up here, he’d be ecstatic at the chance to study so many different magics. Perhaps it’s best for everyone that he remain in the Kingdom.
[ A fond smile, because he’ll never be able to hide just how much he respects his mentor, before he continues thoughtfully. ]
I’ve never harbored quite the same level of passion, but it’s certainly been interesting meeting people who feel similar while also being different. I wouldn’t wish to gossip too much, but ... I’ve met two other mages who can fly on brooms, for example. Rutile and Doctor Figaro. And I did briefly encounter another Knight — holy, not Magic. Orden. There’s also Fushiguro, a young man who reminds me very much of one of my brigade members ... very serious and dedicated for his age, and surprisingly thoughtful. [ He smiles wistfully. ] I hope this place won’t place too much of a burden on him. It does worry me somewhat that so many youths have ended up here.
[ Vangeance gives a small nod to himself, cupping his teacup in his hands as he thinks over the various people he’s come to know. So many good people. He wouldn’t wish this place on any of them. ]
Of course, it’s not just magic that interests me. Simply getting to meet so many different people has been enlightening. ... is there anyone who’s caught your eye, Father?
[ Lord Julius sounds like such an interesting person... someone with a hungry intellect, and a close relationship with Vangeance... Abel really wishes circumstances were different and he was able to meet him. alas, he'll have to make due with his imagination...
but the magic knight's answer is taken in attentively - the mention of brooms almost having him choke on his next sip of tea. reminder of THAT particular nuance of Vangeance's ability was almost too much... he didn't know Rutile had one as well-- goodness, there's so much to learn about these crazy wizards and magicians!! so he's met Jun and Megumi, too... Abel can't help but nod at his mention of the younger islanders. ]
Mm, it seems we've both had the fortune of running into familiar faces! Orden, Father Hansa and I started working together shortly after arriving here for our shared affiliation with the church... so I've come to know them rather well. Should you ever need a hand, they're both quite resourceful. [ in more ways than one; they were complicated people, each in their own ways. ]
But I've made some very good friends in the past month or so. And... you're right; there's far too many children here for my liking. Have you met Jun, Mr. Vangeance? He's, ah. Well, I'm quite fond of him. [ he smiles brightly, but there's a reservation behind it for a child who's suffered more than his due. ] Falco, and Naruto... Vanitas, Sora, Megumi... there are far too many children here. And it seems they've all been through more than their fair share of suffering, more often than not.
[ while he cups his tea, he can't help the disapproval that leaks onto his face at the thought. they're on the same page; children did not belong. ]
The Admin... have you spoken to him yourself at all? Or Miss Doll?
[ LOOK ... broomsticks are a totally legitimate method of transportation? Not his fault you ground-bound losers are just jealous??? ]
I’m afraid I haven’t met him yet, but I’ll certainly keep the name in mind.
[ Vangeance says it mildly, but he’s definitely committing each and every name to memory. He’d had some doubts about that Orden, but it helps that Abel is willing to vouch for him; he’s also seen those network posts recommending consult with ‘the priests’ in the case of a run-in with ‘the infection,’ and so he makes a special note of Hansa’s name. Jun’s as well.
As for the others ... in truth, most of them are around the age people of the Clover Kingdom are considered of age, receiving their grimoires and able to join the Knights. But they shouldn’t be thrown into this trial by fire. They should be around elders willing to teach and shelter them, slowly acclimating them to these hardships, and they should have been able to live carefree lives until now, as children should. He’s certainly in agreement with Abel’s concerns, and it’s only the mention of the Administrator that redirects his thoughts. ]
Ah ... I only heard mention of this ‘Doll.’ But I’ve spoken to the Administrator, if briefly. [ His mask largely hides his expression, but Abel might notice the way Vangeance narrows his eyes, lips pressed together thinly for a moment. ] It was a civil enough discussion, though I’m afraid I was a little shorter with them than I should have been.
[ Clearly, Admin had touched a nerve with him. There’s a pause before Vangeance sits up a little straighter, training a focused stare on Abel. Though his tone of voice remains calm and level, there’s a slight edge to his words. Serious discussion time. ]
You’ve been here longer than I have, Father, and it sounds like you’ve spoken to them before. I’d like to ask your opinion on the Administrator and their staff. Your assessment ... as a priest, and as an individual trapped here.
[ Because no doubt ‘Abel the kindly priest’ is sympathetic even towards someone in the Administrator’s position, and he’d like to hear of that opinion. But he fully expects there to be a flip side to the matter, at least some trace of resentment or suspicion, and he wants to hear that, too. ]
[ he can imagine how rare it is for anything to truly touch on Vangeance's nerves. the man seemed the type to have impeccable composure - but on the subject of the Admin, the priest had a good idea how they'd managed such a feat.
the subject of Admin and Doll is a complicated one. ]
My opinion... I don't know if it's necessarily the best one to take into consideration, in all honesty.
[ he looks a little reluctant as he gazes into the surface of his tea, though he isn't really seeing it. there's a pensive pause - but he exhales a sigh and has determined his course of action when he meets Vangeance's gaze next. ]
Is it alright if, though I'm sure you aren't the sort to go talking about anything we discuss without due cause... you keep this between us?
[ ... not quite the type of response he’d expected. Far more deliberate and pensive. Once again, Vangeance finds himself wondering just how much of Abel’s loud, bumbling personality is deliberate.
But that’s an issue he can mull over later. For now, he focuses on Abel’s question. There’s only a brief pause before he gently puts aside his teacup, resting his hands on the table. His posture shifts subtly — shoulders squared a little bit, head held higher, expression still calm and confident but a touch more solemn. Very much a Captain dealing with important business. Abel’s reluctance had been palpably heavy, so he’ll treat it with the gravity it deserves. ]
I’m accustomed to handling confidential information. If you’d like me to keep everything we speak of secret, then I will oblige, no matter what.
Though ... [ He pauses, considering his words for a moment. ] ... I also understand you’ve no obligation to tell me anything. Of course, as an individual, I’d like to know as much as I can. But I wouldn’t wish for you to endanger yourself, or to feel uneasy because of me. Please tell me only what you feel is right.
[ It hurts a bit to say. He really does want to know everything, as much as possible. But as a Knight, this is the correct response. He’ll trust Abel’s judgement. ]
Please don't be worried. Nothing I have to say is confidential, or apt to get either of us in any kind of trouble. It's just--
[ he pauses, appreciating the change in his company's demeanor that suggested that Vangeance was taking this with all due consideration, as much as his promise for discretion ]
It's troublesome, in a different sort of way. [ but he feels that the knight - a Captain, and a man who was used to both the burden of responsibility his title afforded him as well as the weight of his men's lives in his hands was good audience for the information. ]
When you spoke to him, did the Admin seem to know more about you then seems... natural?
[ It’s Vangeance’s turn to hesitate, just for a moment. Then he nods. ]
I ... received a note shortly after arriving here.
[ He could have just finished with the nod and said nothing more. This is a highly unpleasant subject for him, and one that he’d frankly like to keep secret. But if Abel is entrusting him with important information, then it would feel counterproductive to be overly secretive himself. He’ll just keep the details vague if possible. His voice remains perfectly calm as he continues, though he does fold his hands on the table. ]
It suggested a solution to a problem I was facing in my homeland, one that I’ve never discussed with anyone. My conversation with the Administrator was regarding that note. I’d heard talk of these notes being not uncommon, and wanted to confirm that they were responsible for it.
[ another note, hm... Abel nudges gently at his glasses as he regards the Knight from behind the rounded lenses. his displeasure is almost palpable, and the priest can't blame him for it. ]
You're not alone in having received one. It's somewhat common; they're almost always uncomfortably personal, or hint at something held close to the chest.
[ which was just distasteful in his opinion, not exactly the best way to foster trust among people who were being held captive in a world not their own... to further someone else's objective. ]
Your offer wasn't unusual, either. [ 'fixing' problems... as if it were so simple. ] He knows more than he should and isn't shy in letting us know as much. If anything, he is almost flippant about that knowledge. [ a little sigh, and he absently pushes at the teacup on the table, idly watching the liquid slosh within. ]
And I think, at least in part... he knows so much because we have been here for much longer than we think we have.
[ A small nod. Right, that. He’d read mentions of all this on that network post — that everyone had been here before, that the administrators meant well, that memories had been suppressed for everyone’s sake — but had treated all of it with a healthy dose of suspicion. How could he not? It all sounded too unbelievable, and the thought that he might have been trapped here for so long is a little nauseating.
(Not to mention, what that would imply for his ‘closest friend.’) ]
... I can’t imagine myself speaking of my problem to those in charge of this island, regardless of how long I might have been here.
[ His delivery is polite and calm, but it’s partly a hint at just how invasive that note had been for him. Mostly though, he wants to express his doubts without explicitly questioning Abel’s words just yet. ]
I’ve heard mention of those ideas before. And the Administrator’s claims of meaning well. Do you have reason to believe them?
No; I can't say I'm the sort who would find myself spilling my guts to Admin and theirs, either. I don't think many of us would, to be honest. But...
[ hm. he understands the discomfort, plainly, from the disquieted fidget in his seat. ]
They've altered our memories. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume someone with the ability to take them away could also see whatever they felt they needed to, in the name of their end goal. [ he deeply dislikes this prospect, but he can't deny it existed. ] The 'cycles' here seem to end each time due to the, ah. 'Infection' spreading out of control, or possessing someone whose abilities result in a wipe-out. [ which, understandably, was not ideal for any of them by any stretch of the imagination. ]
From what I understand, these cycles have been going on for a... long time. Some of us have been here from the start of his 'project.' I don't know who, and I don't know how long, but... to think this has been repeating over and over--
[ he cuts himself short; there was no point in dwelling, but he intensely dislikes the thought. were they even making progress? it was impossible to know if they were 'reset' at every failure. ]
...He's resolute. Absolutely certain that what he's doing is right, but... he's lost something. Someone-- family, I'm rather certain. It isn't some... deep-rooted altruism that motivates him. It's pain.
There are mages in my homeland who are capable of such things — extracting memories without the subject’s consent. And for a force capable of trivializing death, such a task, along with the manipulation and erasure of memories, may be simple.
[ Healing, summoning, long-distance teleportation, memory manipulation, time reversal. He’s seen all of these being accomplished through magic, just never on this scale. And if each individual element is possible, then ... he’s forced to accept that Abel’s explanation, no matter how unsavory, is at least possible.
It’s a sobering thought. The possibility that he’s been here for so long — that he’s died here before — and Vangeance silently stares out the window for a long moment as he processes it. There’s a sickly, heavy feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach, pervasive and nauseating, but he pushes it all down to deal with later, in private. His role necessitates that he always remain steadfast, and it’s only the pale of his knuckles, the way he laces his fingers tight, that betrays any discomfort; his voice remains quiet and calm when he finally speaks up again. ]
I suppose the two aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. Grief and the pursuit of an altruistic goal. [ The unspoken ‘but’ is obvious in his words, though. He gets why the thought is unnerving. Personal loss and pain can drive people to consider truly warped solutions. And while he can’t possibly condone this solution that the Administrator might have settled upon, he ... does feel a creeping sympathy for his reasons. That, too, he suppresses for now. ] ... may I ask what he’s said to you of his loss? He’d hardly seemed the personable type when we spoke. You must have earned a fair amount of his trust.
[ altering memories, manipulating time, manipulating death -- these are all things that should be wholly impossible to Abel's version of reality, but... well. this place disrespected all of that, and apparently his world was in the minority where those boundaries were concerned. he wasn't sure where that left him in the grand scheme of things, but he didn't like it, wherever it was. Vangeance was yet another example of an individual who cemented the idea these were real principles that could have very well happened. it wasn't exactly comforting, but he wasn't looking for comfort.
he gently nudges at his glasses, groping inwardly for focus and putting aside his thoughts and feelings for now. ]
I don't think it's a matter of trust. If anything, I think I'm... something of an annoyance, to him. [ there's a meager and self-deprecating sort of smile to accompany the statement. ] Apparently I've been a pain in his side for quite a while. I have that effect on people, you know? [ though he chuckles, there's little mirth in it. ] Even if I can't remember it, it seems we've talked quite a bit in the past. I guess I end up repeating myself... I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that.
[ it sets an uncomfortable twist in his stomach to think about. he'd failed, over and over again. 'we almost lost you.' he doesn't understand what any of it means, and he can't learn from any of his previous mistakes either. ]
But he's resolved himself to death, when all is said and done. He's willing to do anything, use anyone... even his own daughter to see this through. Someone with that resolve-- willing to suffer any cost, is...
[ well. he doesn't need to spell it out, how deeply troubling someone who was willing to die for their convictions, and could expect that price to be paid of others could be. Vangeance isn't the sort of company who needed everything laid out for him. ]
[ Vangeance’s expression remains impenetrably calm as he listens to Abel speak, but his hands are laced so tight they’re shaking ever so slightly, nails digging into his knuckles. Maybe it seems like indignity, or anger, or stoic discomfort. But in truth, Vangeance can feel tendrils of sympathy beginning to creep through his thoughts, and he loathes himself for it.
Because he understands. He truly understands what it feels like to be willing to cast away everything to accomplish a goal. For one’s own death to barely be considered a factor, and to be willing to hurt and kill and obliterate to sate one’s grief and anger. It’s all hitting a bit too close to home, and while a part of him staunchly loathes the Administrator for orchestrating this whole miserable situation, his conscience hisses at that same part of him: ‘disgusting hypocrite.’
... does he really have any right to condemn the Administrator for anything? ]
You do seem to have a knack for drawing out people’s emotions, Father. [ He smiles weakly, finally unlacing his hands and placing them on his legs, out of sight. ] And for someone who insists on seeming so enigmatic, you may be somewhat of a threat. I’ve been seeking out as much information as I can, but nobody else has offered this much insight into him.
[ ... he’s going to be sick. Not immediately, but as soon as he’s alone. That heavy feeling in his stomach roils and burns, building an acrid taste in the back of his throat, and he can hear his pulse pounding in his ears. Vangeance inhales slowly, exhales even slower, forcing his nerves calm. ]
I suppose this largely leaves us with two options, then. [ Focus, distance, suppress. His own feelings are inconsequential. And he needs to stay calm, to keep from unnerving Abel any further. Vangeance speaks quietly, steadily. ] Fighting the infection in accordance to his plans. Or ... dealing with him directly.
something about this has deeply unnerved Vangeance; what's visible of his face is... paler; his hands are trembling before he thinks to hide them from view. but the priest doesn't take these tells as signs of disquiet due to a personal connection with the Admin's conviction; he mistakes it for righteous indignation on behalf of those he'd sacrifice to see his end goals complete. it's a blind optimism, the desire to always see the best in others - both a boon, and a curse.
Abel apologetically drops his gaze into his half-drained teacup, though he's lost his interest in its contents. there's an uneasy ache in his chest, a guilt for choosing to extol unpleasantness over what should've been a light-hearted cup of tea. but for someone of Vangeance's nature, he feels it's important for him to understand the nature of their predicament. someone who would go to great lengths for others... someone who would sacrifice of themselves, without hesitation...
...well. it was only right, for him to know what he was fighting for - and with. whose goals they were all furthering, willingly or otherwise. ]
A threat; I guess you're right. I think he sees me that way, Mr. Vangeance.
[ well, it's time to unknowingly pour a great deal of salt over wounds he's unaware he's laid freshly open. ]
He knows, I won't let him do something so foolish. How could I...? [ it was the Admin's mistake, making his intentions -- playing the 'villain' of this story, of flippantly discussing the end of his life -- known to Abel of all people. ] To throw his life away, especially when there's someone waiting for him, someone who calls him her 'home;' I can't possibly allow that... He's lost something, and... he feels it's broken him. I can understand, even if I wish he didn't know that pain. [ and he wouldn't trivialize it by assuming he knew what it was like, even if Admin made the comparison between them himself. 'broken,' he said. they were different, and that loss was different, he was sure of it. ]
Making the world your enemy-- making yourself your own enemy... betraying those you love to get there... it doesn't matter how righteous your goal. Even if you achieve victory that way, it will be... hollow, at best.
[ yes... it was hollow, and empty, and it razed clean everything in its wake, because... in the end-- ]
You will be hollow. [ just an 'empty shell.' ] And everything you fought for will be gone. Things burn so easily, in that kind of fire... I'd spare him from it, if... I can.
[ Vangeance listens quietly as Abel speaks. And faintly, just faintly, he smiles to himself.
Abel really is a good person, isn’t he.
Abel ‘won’t allow’ the Administrator to give in to his destructive grief and anger, ‘won’t allow’ him to abandon his loved ones, ‘won’t allow’ him to burn everything to ashes in pursuit of a goal that might not even be attainable. Abel ‘won’t allow’ the Administrator to make that mistake. Vangeance can so clearly picture the argument playing out — the Administrator attempting to stay aloof and staunch in the face of that overwhelming, heart-wrenching empathy and kindness and optimism, so pervasive and yet still not enough, never enough to penetrate through that veil of suffering. But no doubt Abel will continue to try.
(If only he’d had a fraction of that same strength himself. If only.)
‘You will be hollow,’ Abel says, and it finally earns a tiny flinch, rousing him from those hopeless, pointless, disgustingly self-indulgent thoughts. Vangeance knows full well that that accusation wasn’t aimed at him, but it might as well have been, and there’s guilt in his eyes when he meets Abel’s gaze for a moment before looking away once more. ]
... you’re very kind. [ Said softly as he gazes at some spot on the table. ] And you aren’t wrong. But I doubt that sort of anger can be so easily quelled. Dissuading him ... might be impossible.
[ Vangeance looks back out the window. When he speaks again, there’s a note of resignation and quiet acceptance to his voice, a little distant and weathered. Like this is a matter he’s already given a great deal of thought, far more than should have been possible during the span of this conversation. ]
And he may consider himself too far gone at this point, after all he’s done. He may feel his only options are to continue and succeed, or to die. [ There’s still sympathy in his voice, but it feels oddly out of sync with his words. ] Your intentions are good and noble, Father. But I wouldn’t wish for you to be hurt trying to accomplish something that can’t be done.
he studies Vangeance's face, his eyes... the far-away quality to his expression, as if he isn't really here. somewhere else inside himself, seeing something Abel isn't privy to, but he... knows that look. the resignation; the quiet tiredness; the empty sort of smile.
and his heart abruptly sinks directly into his stomach, with suddenness. he wishes he could take it back - that look on the other man's face. he wishes desperately he could logic it away as anything other than what it was.
so then, he too...
...
Abel grimaces, once more finding solace in a vacant stare into his cooling tea. ]
There is no such thing as 'too far gone.'
[ the words are quiet. he realizes that lines have blurred, somewhere in this discussion. and though they're still speaking of Admin, on the surface... these words are no longer about or for that man. ]
No matter how far any of us go down that road, it isn't too late to turn back. Even if we've convinced ourselves there's no alternative, that we're beyond saving... there is always a way back. We may not be able to see it ourselves, Mr. Vangeance. But as long as there is someone out there to reach a hand out for us... even just one single person... we can start over.
[ just as steadfast as Admin's conviction may be to see his end goal to fruition, Abel is equally resolute in this. it isn't an angry conviction, nor one driven by hatred; his is one born out of love. and it wasn't just his own, he carried. it was hers, the one kind enough to have reached out her hand for him, once upon a time. the one who selflessly gave of herself until there was nothing left to give, in hopes of opening his eyes to a truth that had been in front of him his whole life-- ]
Even if we don't believe we deserve that mercy, it's ours to take, regardless.
We just have to be strong enough to accept it.
[ Abel, had not been. and he would do everything he could to be certain others did not make his mistakes. ]
[ ... Abel’s dealt with someone similar before, hasn’t he.
There’s a fervent determination to his voice now, and he doesn’t seem to be speaking in hypotheticals. Vangeance wonders what exactly happened in Abel’s past — wonders if maybe that’s the reason for the glimmers of something more somber and serious he’s seen in Abel’s gaze. It would make a lot of sense. He knows it’s difficult, persuading someone that they’re deserving of mercy, and an experience like that would leave scars on even the brightest soul. He hopes that, whoever it was Abel last spoke these words to, they had their intended effect, and that his mercy was accepted. He dearly wants Abel to be successful and maintain his resolve, and continue to say these things to others. Because — ]
Of course, Father. Everyone does deserve mercy. You’re right.
[ Vangeance’s gaze remains a little distant, but his voice is soft and sincere. As an individual, he does truly agree with what Abel is saying. All people deserve kindness and warmth and mercy. ]
On an ideological level.
[ He smiles, faint and rueful. ]
If we had an infinite amount of time, and could somehow guarantee the safety of everyone here, I would agree with you. But ... that isn’t the case, is it? [ He may have felt like Abel was speaking to him for a moment, but Vangeance isn’t so arrogant as to forget the subject on hand. The Administrator. This island. The fact that they’re all trapped here. As much as his chest still aches and his throat feels tight, he knows he’s not the one Abel is concerned for. He speaks steadily, but his voice is soft and sympathetic. ] I don’t wish to kill anyone either. But I would like to ensure everyone is able to return home safely, as soon as possible. If doing so necessitates stopping him by force, and I see a chance to take action, I won’t hesitate. A man like that ... he may choose death over failure. But I would take that risk.
[ He’s willing to accept the role of the loathesome hypocrite, protecting his own monster while striking down another, all so he can return home. Because he has his role to play there, too. Vangeance forces himself to meet Abel’s gaze. ]
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But he doesn't have it in him to ignore that kind gesture, either.
He's mostly composed himself once more by the time he's settles back in his seat, picking up his own cup and swirling it gently. A small nod to affirm that yes, he does want to hear Abel speak about the people waiting for him back home, and then ... he listens.
Mostly listens, at least. A part of him is dedicated to watching Abel's movements. The way he speaks, the look on his face, all of his little gestures. That sort of genuine cheer and liveliness is rare among the upper echelons of the Knights, where image and formality are so prized; just getting to witness it in person feels like a small reward. And he especially appreciates the way Abel's eyes narrow with unmistakable fondness, exposing a deeper sincerity that's usually buried under that blanket of frenetic energy.
Vangeance nods along at key points in Abel's anecdotes, filing away those names and facts at the back of his mind. But mostly, he takes in the moment, the warmth in the air, Abel's very presence. It reminds him of Julius in ways, though it would be disrespectful to draw too many parallels; even without that link to one of his most cherished people, he still respects what Abel stands for. ]
The thanks are mine. It's a pleasure getting to hear you speak. And I'm certain your colleagues are just as grateful to know you. [ He'd seemed a little tense before, still fighting back the odd ache in his chest, but the faint stiffness in his posture has since faded, leaving just his usual poise. Vangeance smiles, polite and polished, but not insincere. ] It seems I may have underestimated the complexity of your job. But it sounds like you're in wonderful company -- the sort that could help you through any problem.
[ He takes a sip of his tea, mulling over his thoughts for a moment before continuing softly. ]
... this may sound callous, but I'm glad you're here, on this island.
[ A low exhale, not quite an apologetic laugh. ]
Of course, I wouldn't wish this place on anyone. But it seems this place is intent on shaking people's hearts and minds. And I feel you are the kind of person who can help most in that regard.
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...he fidgets, suddenly feeling a little foolish. dumb, it was really dumb for this of all things to throw him off. honestly...
but his thoughts are stolen by the soft sentiments that come next, and Abel is... frankly, more than slightly surprised. it shows on his face before he can think to stop it, brows arching and and blue eyes that always seemed to betray him - however much he could school the rest of his face - displaying how he'd been caught off-guard by the comment.
'the kind of person who could help most'
...
his eyes drop into his teacup as he regains equilibrium, the habitual smile coming back with well-practiced ease. ]
I-- I'm not so sure about all that, but... flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Vangeance!
[ the guise of the fool is like second nature. it slips on as easy as his foot into his boots. but again, the eyes always betray him; old, and rueful, and almost... apologetic. the amount of self-loathing at this table is incredible, really. they could bottle it and make a killing from sadists everywhere between the two of them. ]
Maybe you feel I'm the sort of person who can help others' hearts, but... you are the sort who would give up pieces of his own doing the very same, I think. I'd be quite satisfied if I managed to keep you whole, so you can get back to Lord Julius and your friend just as you are.
So if you promise to keep coming to have tea with me, I promise I'll be here to do just that. Is it a deal...?
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He dearly hopes he's wrong. Hopes he's overreading the situation. Because he would never wish the agony of regret on someone of Abel's nature.
Truly, these two in unison could form the most incredible black hole of self-loathing. Surely, that could never go badly! ]
It isn't flattery.
[ Said gently but firmly, accompanied by solid eye contact. He needs Abel to understand that. That slip was so brief that he knows better than to comment on it, but he also can't play completely ignorant. It's only after a moment has passed and he's made his point that Vangeance gives a polite smile. ]
I reserve my flattery for when I must speak with my Kingdom's ruler. I wouldn't resort to such uncouth methods with you. [ His Majesty, King Augustus Kira Clover XIII would threaten him with punishment if he heard that, so it feels kind of liberating to say out loud. Vangeance smiles into his teacup. ] You needn't worry for my sake, Father. The Administrator seemed quite insistent that I serve the others here to the best of my abilities. So I will, as I'd originally planned. And I've no intention of dying in the process. I won't abandon my duties back home.
[ A brief pause as he lowers his teacup, fingers lingering against the handle in thought. He shouldn't continue. He knows he should finish there. He's already said too much, allowed himself too much. ]
But ... [ Finally, he lowers his hand, giving Abel a smile. It's a little more tempered than usual, not that polished knightly facade he always wears. But it's all the more honest, as a result. ] If you'd invite me for tea another time, without any conditions attached, I'd like it very much.
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The kind of wounds I'm worried you'll carry aren't the kind that would kill you, I'm afraid.
[ maybe they were birds of a feather. he could see familiarity in places he wishes he didn't in his current company; perhaps it was why he was compelled to say any of this at all. he was concerned, worried he'd drive himself mad trying to be a selfless force of good in a place that had all the trappings to eat him alive for it. Vangeance was too kind a soul for that fate. Abel didn't know what it was that weighed at the knight - what drove his sense of duty, as much as the muted hints of something painful in his eyes, but...
God, if there was any way to spare him from more of it, he truly wanted to find it. ]
For what it's worth... a cup of tea will always be waiting for you, either way. Or maybe just some company, really; I don't mind if you find you aren't in the mood for drinking. [ 'tea' often came with the expectation of talking while enjoying it, of social niceties and polite conversation. for someone who seemed to spend most - if not all - their life living in a world of those kind of presumptions, Abel supposed Vangeance just coming over to sit with someone and not having to worry about what it meant or what to do with himself would be just as valuable. ]
Ah, but... I'm not trying to make this awkward or too personal! [ reaching for some sense of normalcy and trying to lighten the mood, not wanting it to stray too far into dangerous territory, he sheepishly rubs at the back of his neck with a self-deprecating smile. ] I suppose it's a little bold of me to assume any of this, isn't it...? I promise, I won't make a habit out of it!
[ what a BOLD FACED LIE he will absolutely continue to meddle without remorse or apology... ]
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But it figures that someone like Abel, ever accustomed to helping people, would pick up on that attempt the side-step the issue. He's surprisingly astute when it really matters. Vangeance wonders not for the first time how much of that over-excitable, frantic personality is deliberate. Not that he would consider it false, necessarily, and he would never criticize anyone for presenting themselves in a certain fashion, but ... Vangeance tries not to think back to that look in Abel's eyes. ]
... no, I'm grateful for your offer.
[ Vangeance isn't the type to back down from things easily, stubborn and vicious when it truly matters. But this time, he'll relent. Partly as a show of gratitude, because Abel deserves that small show of respect.
And partly because he hopes that will also allow Abel to feel more at ease. The last thing he wants to do is burden someone like him with any further worries. ]
Though I'd like to propose one condition.
I'll gladly accept any future invitations, and ... [ His usual poise falters just a bit; he's not used to relying on others for anything, and there's a touch of awkwardness to his words. Because he's not accepting Abel's offer just to be polite, this time. He means it, and he'll really, earnestly try to keep it in mind. ] I'll take you up on your offer. If ... [ no, given the nature of this place, it would be more frank to say, ] -- when I'm truly in need of it.
[ 'So please don't worry about me.' ]
But in exchange, you mustn't falsely claim to be in danger again. [ He smiles before adding smoothly, ] I'm very serious about ensuring your safety, Father, along with that of everyone else, and I wouldn't wish to grow complacent from hearing false reports. So I hope you'll find it acceptable.
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his smile, in return, is definitely warm and holds genuine gratitude. ]
That, I think, is more than fair. I hope I didn't worry you too much, before... [ but is he apologizing?? NO... what a wretch, this guy HOW DARE YOU WASTE YOUR WORRY ON THIS LOSER... ]
Ah, but I feel like a little weight has been lifted from my shoulders~! Mr. Vangeance, I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but I've already decided that I quite enjoy your company and am looking forward to seeing much more of you from here-on out. --N-not that I mean I hope you have a rough time of things and thus come sniffing out tea time, but... you know what I mean, don't you? What am I saying, of course you do...
[ he's contented, glad the knight had agreed and the pact is sealed in blood. ...or, well, close enough. Vangeance was a man of his honor, and so Abel had a feeling he would take this quite seriously. ]
And, truth be told... it's just-- nice. [ this. sitting down with someone, no strings attached... in the quiet after the storm, so to speak. reminders that things always go back to some sense of normalcy. the resilience of humans. ] Making a new friend is the very best remedy for anything that ails you, you know?
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And besides, how can he really regret that decision when he sees that warm smile Abel gives him? It sends a stupid little ache through his chest, relieved and grateful and embarrassed and a touch ashamed all at the same time, and he tries to hide it by reaching for a cookie. ]
I’d be glad if I can serve as acceptable company. [ He smiles, amused, as he thinks back to everything Abel had rambled about. ] You said earlier that most aristocracy don’t seem to favor your company. And I suppose I can see why you would think so. But I hope you won’t assume the same of me — I’ve never cared much for the rigid nature of nobility, and I’m happy to have your company.
[ So he says, while ever-so-primly taking a bite of the cookie. Though he does blink at it, looking a little startled. All the sweets here are so much sweeter than his oldschool palate is used to ... ]
... ah, certainly. [ Sorry, he needed a little moment to handle that little sugar rush before he manages to address Abel’s cheery sentiment. And while he’s not sure he’d consider himself a ‘friend’ to too many people, he knows what Abel means. Vangeance smiles fondly as he glances out the window towards the other houses. ] This place is full of interesting people, isn’t it? Even with the unfortunate circumstances that have brought us together, it’s been a pleasure getting to know many of them.
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oh-- what was that CUTE fumble with the cookie--
...ahem; he saw nothing. ]
Oh, being here has absolutely broadened my horizons...! The kind of magic you do, for example, is the stuff of fairy tales and legend in my world. I couldn't imagine what your Kingdom must be like, Mr. Vangeance! And I think I'm in the minority where the existence of magic is concerned. Every day it feels like I'm running into someone who takes all of it into stride... I guess it shouldn't be surprising the people who come from all these fantastical worlds are so interesting, right? There's no shortage of personalities, at least!
[ he can think of a few that stand out right off the bat: his fondness for Jun has him coming to mind... and Naruto - a ninja who could shape-shift surely was a novel idea... Hide and Nero... Father Hansa and his body that made him more metal than man... ]
Have you met anyone that tickles your curiosity...? I have to admit, there are quite a few to choose from, but... for someone like you who comes from someplace where magic and all that is normal, I'm a bit intrigued at what you might say!
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It seems many here do come from worlds with magic, though the details often differ from what I’m familiar with. Lord Julius is an ardent lover of magic in all its forms, and if he were to end up here, he’d be ecstatic at the chance to study so many different magics. Perhaps it’s best for everyone that he remain in the Kingdom.
[ A fond smile, because he’ll never be able to hide just how much he respects his mentor, before he continues thoughtfully. ]
I’ve never harbored quite the same level of passion, but it’s certainly been interesting meeting people who feel similar while also being different. I wouldn’t wish to gossip too much, but ... I’ve met two other mages who can fly on brooms, for example. Rutile and Doctor Figaro. And I did briefly encounter another Knight — holy, not Magic. Orden. There’s also Fushiguro, a young man who reminds me very much of one of my brigade members ... very serious and dedicated for his age, and surprisingly thoughtful. [ He smiles wistfully. ] I hope this place won’t place too much of a burden on him. It does worry me somewhat that so many youths have ended up here.
[ Vangeance gives a small nod to himself, cupping his teacup in his hands as he thinks over the various people he’s come to know. So many good people. He wouldn’t wish this place on any of them. ]
Of course, it’s not just magic that interests me. Simply getting to meet so many different people has been enlightening. ... is there anyone who’s caught your eye, Father?
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but the magic knight's answer is taken in attentively - the mention of brooms almost having him choke on his next sip of tea. reminder of THAT particular nuance of Vangeance's ability was almost too much... he didn't know Rutile had one as well-- goodness, there's so much to learn about these crazy wizards and magicians!! so he's met Jun and Megumi, too... Abel can't help but nod at his mention of the younger islanders. ]
Mm, it seems we've both had the fortune of running into familiar faces! Orden, Father Hansa and I started working together shortly after arriving here for our shared affiliation with the church... so I've come to know them rather well. Should you ever need a hand, they're both quite resourceful. [ in more ways than one; they were complicated people, each in their own ways. ]
But I've made some very good friends in the past month or so. And... you're right; there's far too many children here for my liking. Have you met Jun, Mr. Vangeance? He's, ah. Well, I'm quite fond of him. [ he smiles brightly, but there's a reservation behind it for a child who's suffered more than his due. ] Falco, and Naruto... Vanitas, Sora, Megumi... there are far too many children here. And it seems they've all been through more than their fair share of suffering, more often than not.
[ while he cups his tea, he can't help the disapproval that leaks onto his face at the thought. they're on the same page; children did not belong. ]
The Admin... have you spoken to him yourself at all? Or Miss Doll?
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I’m afraid I haven’t met him yet, but I’ll certainly keep the name in mind.
[ Vangeance says it mildly, but he’s definitely committing each and every name to memory. He’d had some doubts about that Orden, but it helps that Abel is willing to vouch for him; he’s also seen those network posts recommending consult with ‘the priests’ in the case of a run-in with ‘the infection,’ and so he makes a special note of Hansa’s name. Jun’s as well.
As for the others ... in truth, most of them are around the age people of the Clover Kingdom are considered of age, receiving their grimoires and able to join the Knights. But they shouldn’t be thrown into this trial by fire. They should be around elders willing to teach and shelter them, slowly acclimating them to these hardships, and they should have been able to live carefree lives until now, as children should. He’s certainly in agreement with Abel’s concerns, and it’s only the mention of the Administrator that redirects his thoughts. ]
Ah ... I only heard mention of this ‘Doll.’ But I’ve spoken to the Administrator, if briefly. [ His mask largely hides his expression, but Abel might notice the way Vangeance narrows his eyes, lips pressed together thinly for a moment. ] It was a civil enough discussion, though I’m afraid I was a little shorter with them than I should have been.
[ Clearly, Admin had touched a nerve with him. There’s a pause before Vangeance sits up a little straighter, training a focused stare on Abel. Though his tone of voice remains calm and level, there’s a slight edge to his words. Serious discussion time. ]
You’ve been here longer than I have, Father, and it sounds like you’ve spoken to them before. I’d like to ask your opinion on the Administrator and their staff. Your assessment ... as a priest, and as an individual trapped here.
[ Because no doubt ‘Abel the kindly priest’ is sympathetic even towards someone in the Administrator’s position, and he’d like to hear of that opinion. But he fully expects there to be a flip side to the matter, at least some trace of resentment or suspicion, and he wants to hear that, too. ]
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the subject of Admin and Doll is a complicated one. ]
My opinion... I don't know if it's necessarily the best one to take into consideration, in all honesty.
[ he looks a little reluctant as he gazes into the surface of his tea, though he isn't really seeing it. there's a pensive pause - but he exhales a sigh and has determined his course of action when he meets Vangeance's gaze next. ]
Is it alright if, though I'm sure you aren't the sort to go talking about anything we discuss without due cause... you keep this between us?
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But that’s an issue he can mull over later. For now, he focuses on Abel’s question. There’s only a brief pause before he gently puts aside his teacup, resting his hands on the table. His posture shifts subtly — shoulders squared a little bit, head held higher, expression still calm and confident but a touch more solemn. Very much a Captain dealing with important business. Abel’s reluctance had been palpably heavy, so he’ll treat it with the gravity it deserves. ]
I’m accustomed to handling confidential information. If you’d like me to keep everything we speak of secret, then I will oblige, no matter what.
Though ... [ He pauses, considering his words for a moment. ] ... I also understand you’ve no obligation to tell me anything. Of course, as an individual, I’d like to know as much as I can. But I wouldn’t wish for you to endanger yourself, or to feel uneasy because of me. Please tell me only what you feel is right.
[ It hurts a bit to say. He really does want to know everything, as much as possible. But as a Knight, this is the correct response. He’ll trust Abel’s judgement. ]
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[ he pauses, appreciating the change in his company's demeanor that suggested that Vangeance was taking this with all due consideration, as much as his promise for discretion ]
It's troublesome, in a different sort of way. [ but he feels that the knight - a Captain, and a man who was used to both the burden of responsibility his title afforded him as well as the weight of his men's lives in his hands was good audience for the information. ]
When you spoke to him, did the Admin seem to know more about you then seems... natural?
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I ... received a note shortly after arriving here.
[ He could have just finished with the nod and said nothing more. This is a highly unpleasant subject for him, and one that he’d frankly like to keep secret. But if Abel is entrusting him with important information, then it would feel counterproductive to be overly secretive himself. He’ll just keep the details vague if possible. His voice remains perfectly calm as he continues, though he does fold his hands on the table. ]
It suggested a solution to a problem I was facing in my homeland, one that I’ve never discussed with anyone. My conversation with the Administrator was regarding that note. I’d heard talk of these notes being not uncommon, and wanted to confirm that they were responsible for it.
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You're not alone in having received one. It's somewhat common; they're almost always uncomfortably personal, or hint at something held close to the chest.
[ which was just distasteful in his opinion, not exactly the best way to foster trust among people who were being held captive in a world not their own... to further someone else's objective. ]
Your offer wasn't unusual, either. [ 'fixing' problems... as if it were so simple. ] He knows more than he should and isn't shy in letting us know as much. If anything, he is almost flippant about that knowledge. [ a little sigh, and he absently pushes at the teacup on the table, idly watching the liquid slosh within. ]
And I think, at least in part... he knows so much because we have been here for much longer than we think we have.
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(Not to mention, what that would imply for his ‘closest friend.’) ]
... I can’t imagine myself speaking of my problem to those in charge of this island, regardless of how long I might have been here.
[ His delivery is polite and calm, but it’s partly a hint at just how invasive that note had been for him. Mostly though, he wants to express his doubts without explicitly questioning Abel’s words just yet. ]
I’ve heard mention of those ideas before. And the Administrator’s claims of meaning well. Do you have reason to believe them?
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[ hm. he understands the discomfort, plainly, from the disquieted fidget in his seat. ]
They've altered our memories. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume someone with the ability to take them away could also see whatever they felt they needed to, in the name of their end goal. [ he deeply dislikes this prospect, but he can't deny it existed. ] The 'cycles' here seem to end each time due to the, ah. 'Infection' spreading out of control, or possessing someone whose abilities result in a wipe-out. [ which, understandably, was not ideal for any of them by any stretch of the imagination. ]
From what I understand, these cycles have been going on for a... long time. Some of us have been here from the start of his 'project.' I don't know who, and I don't know how long, but... to think this has been repeating over and over--
[ he cuts himself short; there was no point in dwelling, but he intensely dislikes the thought. were they even making progress? it was impossible to know if they were 'reset' at every failure. ]
...He's resolute. Absolutely certain that what he's doing is right, but... he's lost something. Someone-- family, I'm rather certain. It isn't some... deep-rooted altruism that motivates him. It's pain.
[ his hands around his cup tighten, some. ]
And that frightens me.
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There are mages in my homeland who are capable of such things — extracting memories without the subject’s consent. And for a force capable of trivializing death, such a task, along with the manipulation and erasure of memories, may be simple.
[ Healing, summoning, long-distance teleportation, memory manipulation, time reversal. He’s seen all of these being accomplished through magic, just never on this scale. And if each individual element is possible, then ... he’s forced to accept that Abel’s explanation, no matter how unsavory, is at least possible.
It’s a sobering thought. The possibility that he’s been here for so long — that he’s died here before — and Vangeance silently stares out the window for a long moment as he processes it. There’s a sickly, heavy feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach, pervasive and nauseating, but he pushes it all down to deal with later, in private. His role necessitates that he always remain steadfast, and it’s only the pale of his knuckles, the way he laces his fingers tight, that betrays any discomfort; his voice remains quiet and calm when he finally speaks up again. ]
I suppose the two aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. Grief and the pursuit of an altruistic goal. [ The unspoken ‘but’ is obvious in his words, though. He gets why the thought is unnerving. Personal loss and pain can drive people to consider truly warped solutions. And while he can’t possibly condone this solution that the Administrator might have settled upon, he ... does feel a creeping sympathy for his reasons. That, too, he suppresses for now. ] ... may I ask what he’s said to you of his loss? He’d hardly seemed the personable type when we spoke. You must have earned a fair amount of his trust.
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he gently nudges at his glasses, groping inwardly for focus and putting aside his thoughts and feelings for now. ]
I don't think it's a matter of trust. If anything, I think I'm... something of an annoyance, to him. [ there's a meager and self-deprecating sort of smile to accompany the statement. ] Apparently I've been a pain in his side for quite a while. I have that effect on people, you know? [ though he chuckles, there's little mirth in it. ] Even if I can't remember it, it seems we've talked quite a bit in the past. I guess I end up repeating myself... I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that.
[ it sets an uncomfortable twist in his stomach to think about. he'd failed, over and over again. 'we almost lost you.' he doesn't understand what any of it means, and he can't learn from any of his previous mistakes either. ]
But he's resolved himself to death, when all is said and done. He's willing to do anything, use anyone... even his own daughter to see this through. Someone with that resolve-- willing to suffer any cost, is...
[ well. he doesn't need to spell it out, how deeply troubling someone who was willing to die for their convictions, and could expect that price to be paid of others could be. Vangeance isn't the sort of company who needed everything laid out for him. ]
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Because he understands. He truly understands what it feels like to be willing to cast away everything to accomplish a goal. For one’s own death to barely be considered a factor, and to be willing to hurt and kill and obliterate to sate one’s grief and anger. It’s all hitting a bit too close to home, and while a part of him staunchly loathes the Administrator for orchestrating this whole miserable situation, his conscience hisses at that same part of him: ‘disgusting hypocrite.’
... does he really have any right to condemn the Administrator for anything? ]
You do seem to have a knack for drawing out people’s emotions, Father. [ He smiles weakly, finally unlacing his hands and placing them on his legs, out of sight. ] And for someone who insists on seeming so enigmatic, you may be somewhat of a threat. I’ve been seeking out as much information as I can, but nobody else has offered this much insight into him.
[ ... he’s going to be sick. Not immediately, but as soon as he’s alone. That heavy feeling in his stomach roils and burns, building an acrid taste in the back of his throat, and he can hear his pulse pounding in his ears. Vangeance inhales slowly, exhales even slower, forcing his nerves calm. ]
I suppose this largely leaves us with two options, then. [ Focus, distance, suppress. His own feelings are inconsequential. And he needs to stay calm, to keep from unnerving Abel any further. Vangeance speaks quietly, steadily. ] Fighting the infection in accordance to his plans. Or ... dealing with him directly.
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something about this has deeply unnerved Vangeance; what's visible of his face is... paler; his hands are trembling before he thinks to hide them from view. but the priest doesn't take these tells as signs of disquiet due to a personal connection with the Admin's conviction; he mistakes it for righteous indignation on behalf of those he'd sacrifice to see his end goals complete. it's a blind optimism, the desire to always see the best in others - both a boon, and a curse.
Abel apologetically drops his gaze into his half-drained teacup, though he's lost his interest in its contents. there's an uneasy ache in his chest, a guilt for choosing to extol unpleasantness over what should've been a light-hearted cup of tea. but for someone of Vangeance's nature, he feels it's important for him to understand the nature of their predicament. someone who would go to great lengths for others... someone who would sacrifice of themselves, without hesitation...
...well. it was only right, for him to know what he was fighting for - and with. whose goals they were all furthering, willingly or otherwise. ]
A threat; I guess you're right. I think he sees me that way, Mr. Vangeance.
[ well, it's time to unknowingly pour a great deal of salt over wounds he's unaware he's laid freshly open. ]
He knows, I won't let him do something so foolish. How could I...? [ it was the Admin's mistake, making his intentions -- playing the 'villain' of this story, of flippantly discussing the end of his life -- known to Abel of all people. ] To throw his life away, especially when there's someone waiting for him, someone who calls him her 'home;' I can't possibly allow that... He's lost something, and... he feels it's broken him. I can understand, even if I wish he didn't know that pain. [ and he wouldn't trivialize it by assuming he knew what it was like, even if Admin made the comparison between them himself. 'broken,' he said. they were different, and that loss was different, he was sure of it. ]
Making the world your enemy-- making yourself your own enemy... betraying those you love to get there... it doesn't matter how righteous your goal. Even if you achieve victory that way, it will be... hollow, at best.
[ yes... it was hollow, and empty, and it razed clean everything in its wake, because... in the end-- ]
You will be hollow. [ just an 'empty shell.' ] And everything you fought for will be gone. Things burn so easily, in that kind of fire... I'd spare him from it, if... I can.
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Abel really is a good person, isn’t he.
Abel ‘won’t allow’ the Administrator to give in to his destructive grief and anger, ‘won’t allow’ him to abandon his loved ones, ‘won’t allow’ him to burn everything to ashes in pursuit of a goal that might not even be attainable. Abel ‘won’t allow’ the Administrator to make that mistake. Vangeance can so clearly picture the argument playing out — the Administrator attempting to stay aloof and staunch in the face of that overwhelming, heart-wrenching empathy and kindness and optimism, so pervasive and yet still not enough, never enough to penetrate through that veil of suffering. But no doubt Abel will continue to try.
(If only he’d had a fraction of that same strength himself. If only.)
‘You will be hollow,’ Abel says, and it finally earns a tiny flinch, rousing him from those hopeless, pointless, disgustingly self-indulgent thoughts. Vangeance knows full well that that accusation wasn’t aimed at him, but it might as well have been, and there’s guilt in his eyes when he meets Abel’s gaze for a moment before looking away once more. ]
... you’re very kind. [ Said softly as he gazes at some spot on the table. ] And you aren’t wrong. But I doubt that sort of anger can be so easily quelled. Dissuading him ... might be impossible.
[ Vangeance looks back out the window. When he speaks again, there’s a note of resignation and quiet acceptance to his voice, a little distant and weathered. Like this is a matter he’s already given a great deal of thought, far more than should have been possible during the span of this conversation. ]
And he may consider himself too far gone at this point, after all he’s done. He may feel his only options are to continue and succeed, or to die. [ There’s still sympathy in his voice, but it feels oddly out of sync with his words. ] Your intentions are good and noble, Father. But I wouldn’t wish for you to be hurt trying to accomplish something that can’t be done.
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he studies Vangeance's face, his eyes... the far-away quality to his expression, as if he isn't really here. somewhere else inside himself, seeing something Abel isn't privy to, but he... knows that look. the resignation; the quiet tiredness; the empty sort of smile.
and his heart abruptly sinks directly into his stomach, with suddenness. he wishes he could take it back - that look on the other man's face. he wishes desperately he could logic it away as anything other than what it was.
so then, he too...
...
Abel grimaces, once more finding solace in a vacant stare into his cooling tea. ]
There is no such thing as 'too far gone.'
[ the words are quiet. he realizes that lines have blurred, somewhere in this discussion. and though they're still speaking of Admin, on the surface... these words are no longer about or for that man. ]
No matter how far any of us go down that road, it isn't too late to turn back. Even if we've convinced ourselves there's no alternative, that we're beyond saving... there is always a way back. We may not be able to see it ourselves, Mr. Vangeance. But as long as there is someone out there to reach a hand out for us... even just one single person... we can start over.
[ just as steadfast as Admin's conviction may be to see his end goal to fruition, Abel is equally resolute in this. it isn't an angry conviction, nor one driven by hatred; his is one born out of love. and it wasn't just his own, he carried. it was hers, the one kind enough to have reached out her hand for him, once upon a time. the one who selflessly gave of herself until there was nothing left to give, in hopes of opening his eyes to a truth that had been in front of him his whole life-- ]
Even if we don't believe we deserve that mercy, it's ours to take, regardless.
We just have to be strong enough to accept it.
[ Abel, had not been. and he would do everything he could to be certain others did not make his mistakes. ]
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There’s a fervent determination to his voice now, and he doesn’t seem to be speaking in hypotheticals. Vangeance wonders what exactly happened in Abel’s past — wonders if maybe that’s the reason for the glimmers of something more somber and serious he’s seen in Abel’s gaze. It would make a lot of sense. He knows it’s difficult, persuading someone that they’re deserving of mercy, and an experience like that would leave scars on even the brightest soul. He hopes that, whoever it was Abel last spoke these words to, they had their intended effect, and that his mercy was accepted. He dearly wants Abel to be successful and maintain his resolve, and continue to say these things to others. Because — ]
Of course, Father. Everyone does deserve mercy. You’re right.
[ Vangeance’s gaze remains a little distant, but his voice is soft and sincere. As an individual, he does truly agree with what Abel is saying. All people deserve kindness and warmth and mercy. ]
On an ideological level.
[ He smiles, faint and rueful. ]
If we had an infinite amount of time, and could somehow guarantee the safety of everyone here, I would agree with you. But ... that isn’t the case, is it? [ He may have felt like Abel was speaking to him for a moment, but Vangeance isn’t so arrogant as to forget the subject on hand. The Administrator. This island. The fact that they’re all trapped here. As much as his chest still aches and his throat feels tight, he knows he’s not the one Abel is concerned for. He speaks steadily, but his voice is soft and sympathetic. ] I don’t wish to kill anyone either. But I would like to ensure everyone is able to return home safely, as soon as possible. If doing so necessitates stopping him by force, and I see a chance to take action, I won’t hesitate. A man like that ... he may choose death over failure. But I would take that risk.
[ He’s willing to accept the role of the loathesome hypocrite, protecting his own monster while striking down another, all so he can return home. Because he has his role to play there, too. Vangeance forces himself to meet Abel’s gaze. ]
I’m sorry.
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